I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
