I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
