He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
