guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
