just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
