I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
