So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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