My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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