i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
