i think i have herpe
just one?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
