it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
