using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
