R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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