I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
