Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
