That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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