I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I am one with the molecules
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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