why didn't you poke me back
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Randomize
