when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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