It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
