I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
