before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
