I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Randomize
