I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
