then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
