i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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