I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
