I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
