I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
