There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
