i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
