He had one of those small greek statue penises
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
