The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
