i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
