i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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