So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
