i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
