Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
