Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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