I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
