Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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