If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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