you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I met the friendliest cop last night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
