So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
