Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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