Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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