Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
