If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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