My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
