I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
