Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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