My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
