I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
