did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
