Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
