he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
