white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
