mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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