I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize