Im at strip club and am horny
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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