That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
