I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
