Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
