I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
