when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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