New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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