Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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