My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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